Stay connected
Make an effort to stay in touch, not just in the immediate aftermath of loss, but in the weeks and months that follow, too. Regular text messages, phone calls or visits can make a huge difference to your friend or relative’s mental health as they navigate their grief.
An easy way to show you care is to invite your loved one to social gatherings and events. Just let them know there’s no pressure to come along if they’re not up to it or change their mind.
Important days like birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries can be especially hard, even years later, so one simple tip is to note key dates in your calendar and reach out around these times. Let your friend know their loved one hasn’t been forgotten and you’re thinking of them.
Listen deeply
Listening is a gift that many respondents in the traumatic loss study said they valued deeply. “Consistent communication, acceptance of my feelings, allowing me space as needed, listening without trying to fix or belittle my grief,” was how one participant described the meaningful emotional support they received.
Although it’s natural to want to ease someone’s pain, keep it simple and resist the urge to offer solutions – unsolicited advice is rarely welcome or even helpful, as everyone experiences grief differently.
“The most supportive thing you can do is offer a safe sounding board for their feelings, no matter how strong the emotions,” explains Leon.
Offer yourself as a safe sounding board to your grieving loved one. Credit:Getty Images
Avoid the clichés
It’s difficult to know what to say when someone has experienced a loss – you might feel like nothing sounds right. Be mindful of resorting to platitudes like ‘time heals all wounds’, ‘I know how you feel’ or ‘everything happens for a reason’, and instead express what the person who has passed meant to you or how much you’ll miss them.
And if you do happen to say the wrong thing? Try not to take any negative reactions personally – grief is a roller-coaster that can heighten sensitivity. Just apologise and try again.
Offer practical help
The little things in life become overwhelming in the aftermath of a bereavement. Even driving a car can be out of the question as deep grief and shock impacts concentration. So, offer to help in practical ways like driving your friend to appointments to make funeral arrangements, picking up children from school or shuttling guests from out of town to the service.
Rather than asking, ‘What can I do?‘, which can add to your friend’s mental load, you can make life just that little bit easier by offering to take care of specific tasks, such as cooking, doing a load of washing or replying to text messages on their behalf. Be mindful about asking permission before jumping in to help with personal or household duties.
Be patient
You might have heard of the ‘five stages of grief’ – shock and denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – but research shows these emotional stages don’t affect everyone, and when they do occur, they’re often not linear but overlap and reoccur spontaneously.
“People move through grief in their own way. There’s no timeline or script to follow, so resist nudging your friend to move on at a certain point or withhold their emotions,” says Leon.
While life after a bereavement will be irrevocably changed, the intensity of grief will naturally subside for most people in time. Let your loved one heal at their pace.
Take care of you
Supporting someone you love through grief can be an emotionally and physically draining experience. Know that it’s OK to take some time out to reflect on your own feelings and replenish your energy levels so you can continue to be there for your loved one.
The experts at Simplicity Funerals are here to help. Visit simplicityfunerals.com.au.
Helping someone you love through grief
Source: Philippines Alive
